Even before the credit crunch many of us have been finding that those items of expenditure over which we have no control such as heating, lighting, travel and local government taxes have increased dramatically while our take home pay has fallen.
As a result, while more of us are having trouble making ends meet. Suppliers and banks encourage us to use HP, credit cards and high-interest loans to bridge the gap. We're increasingly using the bank cards at the supermarket and taking cash-back to give us money that is too easy to spend and that just increases our debt. We are making minimum payments on our cards, and while receiving offers from the same company to borrow still more for consumer durables. A personal credit card debt of £7,500 is common, while debts of £30,000 are not unusual. Add to this the mortgage, HP on the car, a student loan and telephone, gas and electricity bills that mount up, as they are paid in arrears, and it is little wonder that many families find themselves saddled with what seem to be unmanageable problems. On the other side, many people among the age groups that were traditionally able to save are saving less, and with negative equity in their homes the feel-good factor now feels bad. Few are saving for the future and people are borrowing just to meet regular outgoings, unable to set anything aside for a "rainy day". Personal bankruptcy and resort to loan counseling has increased dramatically over the last few years and while this may just be the bottom of a cycle there is no doubt that home repossessions, dwindling refinance options and credit card debt are leaving many families desperate. There is an old saying that when poverty comes in through the window, love goes out of the door. Debt leads to stress and arguments in families. Few couples have exactly the same philosophy on spending and so, without being particularly profligate one partner can find they are being blamed for the problems. And when the car breaks down or the washer stops it can become a major disaster for which someone has to take the blame. No one's job is totally secure and so the stress of debt can be multiplied when the news is full of redundancies. We are finding that more and more clients are suffering emotional, relationship and mental health issues as a result of the pressure of their own and the nation's debt. And in all age groups from young teenagers to apparently well to do middle aged people suicide is being used as a way out.
While debt affects people's mental well-being, it is a topic rarely discussed, because there's often a sense of failure, embarrassment or shame. People often seem to find it easier to talk about even their sexual problems than their financial problems, and they even have trouble telling their counselor or therapist. We encourage anyone suffering debt and financial distress to start talking about it, or at least to take professional advice. (We list some sources of help under the 'Useful Contacts' section of our site.) ** See also the section Don't Debt Again on this Website.
Dealing with major changes in life: losing a job, starting a new career, ending a long-term relationship, moving from one part of the country to another can all be very traumatic. Starting at a new school or at university can be very stressful for both student and family as they face setting up in a new town and try to make new friends to replace those they have left behind. Everyone worries about change and can become stressed as they strive to find a way to cope with it. Some changes we make voluntarily, but some change is forced upon us. "There is nothing permanent in the world except change." (Heraclitis -500BC) Perhaps by now we'd have accepted that change is an inevitable part of life and yet most people seem to hate change, trying to avoid it, running and hiding when we see it coming, and complaining bitterly when it finds us anyway.
To some extent, all change involves loss and all loss can be a major source of stress. Even when the change we experience is a joyful event, like marriage, a new baby, or a new home its a Fact of life that we always have to give up something in order to get or make room for something new.
We fall into our own comfortable routines of life that we find hard to break. Old habits die hard and we are all are creatures of habit. Change, large or small requires that we make adjustments to our routines. Sometimes we put off making necessary changes, like those involving diet or exercise, because it just seems like too much hard work or is going to be too difficult to learn and adopt new habits, new ways of being. Sometimes we avoid making changes because we fear the repercussions when others react to the changes we want to make Change can be stressful because it threatens our "comfort zone", and sometimes we may even perceive that it threatens our very existence.
When people feel threatened by change, or just don't know how to handle it, they may develop unhealthy ways of coping, like drinking or overeating, getting angry or depressed, or becoming a "workaholic". Sometimes they just refuse to change! None of these are effective solutions, but it is possible to learn to cope well with change.
Taking this idea of change and loss a little further, you can think of three stages of change: the ending, the new beginning, and in between, "the neutral zone." The neutral zone is like being in limbo, you feel a little lost, its a time when you may feel unsettled, disoriented and confused. You alternatively feel the need to go forward, or in fear, the need to go back. The old routines you have left behind, but haven't yet become comfortable and settled into new ones. It's an uncomfortable and emotionally painful place to be. It can be tempting to rush through it, or skip right over it, or pretend it doesn't exist for you. Some people do this going straight from relationship to relationship with hardly a pause in between. Not only do they hardly catch their breath, they spend no time considering their needs and hopes for the future in the light of their experience of the past.
As William Bridges points out in his book 'Transitions', the neutral zone is where life's lessons are learned. It's a place and time when you have an opportunity to reflect, review, and consider where you've been and where you're headed next. It's a time to measure your progress in achieving your goals, and revise those goals if necessary. It's a time to try a different approach, explore options, or just catch your breath before jumping into the next phase of your life. The neutral zone is also a good time to find someone you can talk to - a trusted friend, spiritual advisor, or a counsellor - someone who can help you sort out your thoughts and feelings about the changes you're going through, and take an objective look at your situation.
Tsunami in Sumatra, bombs in London, hurricane in New Orleans, wars and famines; hundreds and Thousands, perhaps millions of people fear for their homes, their possessions, and their loved ones. Whole nations can be stunned, but clearly those who are directly involved on the ground have suffer the most severe kind of trauma.
What is trauma? It is the experience of something terrible happening, something that threatens your personal safety or even your life, or the safety or lives of your loved ones. Traumatic events include large-scale natural disasters, like hurricanes, floods, and earthquakes, as well as man-made disasters, like war, plane crashes and industrial accidents. Trauma can also occur from one-time, individual acts of violence, like bank robbery, assault, and rape; as well as chronic situations like being molested, having cancer or living with AIDS. People can also be traumatized by simply watching a traumatic event, even if their own safety was not threatened. Reacting to trauma: There are three basic stages in a normal reaction to a traumatic event or situation. First, there is the initial shock or disbelief - you feel numb, and experience a sense of unreality, like being in a really bad movie. This stage may last a few minutes to a few days. Next, there is disruption in normal routines and behavior, as you struggle to cope. Life is topsy-turvy, nothing makes sense anymore. You may experience many physical as well as emotional symptoms (see below). This stage can last for awhile. Finally, when the threat is gone and/or you develop sufficient coping mechanisms, you reach a place where you can put the traumatic event or situation into perspective and return to "normal" life. Depending on the severity and duration of the trauma, people may reach this stage within a week or two, or it may take years. Common symptoms of trauma: Symptoms may include crying, feeling anxiety or anger, feeling detached or in a daze, having a headache or stomachache, restlessness, inability to concentrate, extreme fatigue or exhaustion, fear of being alone, being easily startled, intrusive thoughts or images of the traumatic event, appetite and sleep disturbance. Typically these reactions are strongest in the first few days following the trauma, and lessen over time. More severe reactions may lead to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Coping strategies: The most important thing to remember is that these are all NORMAL reactions to an ABNORMAL event. Think "this too shall pass", and concentrate on taking care of yourself. Do what you can to increase your sense of personal safety. Talk about what you've experienced with others who understand. Get plenty of rest, spend time with loved ones or favorite activities, and avoid relying on alcohol, drugs or overeating to help you cope. And don't hesitate to seek professional help if you are concerned about your reactions.
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. Recovery is feeling better-being able to enjoy fond memories without triggering painful feelings of sorrow, guilt, or remorse. Grief may result from any loss, large or small: the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, divorce, disability, retirement, the death of a pet, and even a change in residence are all events that can cause feelings of grief. Phases of Grief: While everyone experiences, and expresses, grief differently, there seem to be three fairly typical phases in the grieving process: shock, acute grief, and recovery. PHASE ONE: Shock seems to be nature's way of protecting us from the full force of an event involving loss. There is disbelief because the full meaning of the loss has not yet sunk in ("There's been a mistake; this is not happening; I'm having a bad dream.") You may feel numb while carrying out the necessary tasks (e.g. going to the hospital, contacting relatives, making funeral arrangements, taking over work assignments). Others may mistakenly think you're OK ("She's taking it so well!") This phase may last for hours, days, or even weeks. PHASE TWO: Acute grief is the most difficult phase. As the disbelief and numbness wear off, you begin to experience the full extent of the painful feelings. Anger is often the first emotion to be felt-anger at God, for allowing this to happen; or at anyone who you feel may have contributed to, or failed to prevent, this loss. It's even normal to feel angry at the person who died! You may also experience feelings of guilt or remorse related to things you wish had been different ("If only I'd told him how much I cared," or "Maybe if I'd been here-or hadn't gone there-this never would have happened.") This phase may last for months or years, and can include these symptoms:
Does the holiday red and green leave you feeling blue? Overwhelmed by the demands of seasonal celebrations? Dreading the temptation to over-indulge in alcohol, food, and spending sprees? This time of year is often stressful for many people, whether or not they celebrate Christmas. At work we face end-of-year deadlines, as the winter storm season rolls in. Shorter daylight hours lead to heavier commuter traffic as well as fewer opportunities for outdoor exercise, and may trigger feelings of fatigue or depression. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real condition, and while it can be helpful to know that you are feeling down because of this you do not need to put up with it. See your doctor or your counselor. Many people find that using a 'light box' can help too. Mass media and retailers exhort us to "get into the spirit" by buying things we don't need, and spending money we don't have. We may feel pressured to spend time with relatives whose company we don't enjoy; we might miss being with loved ones who are far away or who have died. Or we can simply stress ourselves out by trying to make the holiday experience "perfect" for everyone! Here are some Tips to Prevent the "Holiday Blues":
is most commonly used to describe symptoms arising from emotionally traumatic experience(s). However, not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will develop PTSD. If symptoms persist for weeks or months, this is when professional help should be sought. Avoidance is often used to help cope with the trauma, but postponing professional help for a year or more could make the situation much worse. Symptoms: Symptoms of trauma can be wide and varied and differ from person to person - a traumatized individual may suffer from one or several of the following symptoms, and the list is not exhaustive.
The word trauma might conjure up major disaster or emergency, but it also can be the result of smaller events, especially repeated experiences, which have a stressful and damaging effect on us, for example bullying or a series of difficult life events.
Many people get over traumas by themselves and with the support of friends, family or a good health professional. Some people find it hard to recover and get left with troublesome symptoms like sleep and eating disturbances, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, social anxiety and social phobia, loss of confidence in themselves and in the future.
The traumatic events which leave a mark tend to have made us feel powerless and ineffective and often ashamed (of how we acted or didn't act and how we felt during the events and of our feelings after the event). This will be made worse if the person has lacked support and the opportunity to talk it out, releasing feelings, or has been made to feel they are abnormal because of their reactions. The person who has been vulnerable for some reason before the traumatic event(s) or have had to stay strong to support other people is more likely to find it harder to recover from a traumatic event.
Trauma responses get locked within us when the body's natural ways of dealing with trauma are blocked. The traumatic experience(s) can include so much sensory information that the normal ways we have of processing events (talking and dreaming) can't cope and the system shuts down, leaving emotions and sensations locked in the body.
Body and emotional responses often become attached to particular sounds, smells, touches etc so that when those sounds, smells, touches are experienced in the present it triggers the trauma-response from the past (panic, sweating, intense fear and so on). These reactions feel as though they are uncontrollable.
The good news is that people can be helped to reduce or eliminate their troublesome symptoms using one or more of a variety of straightforward methods.
** See also section on Depression on this website.
(Some parts of the above information was originally drawn from various articles the source of which is now unknown, so we are unable at this time to give credit to the original author(s).If they contact us we will be pleased to give them the recognition they deserve)